Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
