I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
