Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
