he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
