I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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