If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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