Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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