I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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