Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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