He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
