Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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