where am i from again
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
