he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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