I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
