Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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