Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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