is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
