I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
