If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize