I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
