I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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