U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
