I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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