YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
