I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
