I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
