The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize