After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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