I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My vagina is officially offended.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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