This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
