stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
