At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
