I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
