id be glad to
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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