I cannot find my penis.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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