Kareoke will never be a sober sport
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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