you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
