This house was built for laser tag.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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