I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
