Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
