i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize