he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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