Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
