I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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