If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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