ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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