We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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