How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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