When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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