Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
