Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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