He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
50% drunk capacity currently
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
