Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
