So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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