Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize