Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
