there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
