dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
