She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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