Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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