So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
