He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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