I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
