things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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