Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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