I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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