At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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