so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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