Swine flu. Run for my life!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
