Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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