Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
