I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
