He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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