we're blogging at a bar
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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