right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
