my vag is so smooth its legendary
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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