I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
