I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
