she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
