You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
