Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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