I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
