i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize