im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
