You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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