There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
