I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
